Nothing lasts forever

 It is so freaking annoying that basically everyone else is getting buried in endless snow and cold and that is literally all I want while CO is in this endless warm, windy, dry Groundhog's day that Just. Will. Not. Stop.

Even people who like warmer weather are sick of the wind and all of us are tired of the fires and fire danger.  I can't believe it has barely snowed at all and it has been 60+ so many days.  Whatever, my depression is never going to get better.  

The winter sunrises have stayed lovely though

I actually started with a new therapist because why the hell not and it has not been very promising so far.  This isn't surprising - I have been in quite a lot of therapy in my life and I  have worked my ass off to get my mental health in order.  Also I don't mean to disparage anyone but having done this enough I am pretty sure I am advanced level therapy but only the more junior people seem to have openings.

Regardless, she covered the basics as she should.  How is my diet? How is my exercise? How is my sleep? How are my social relationships? Etc.  But the thing is, I have all of that on lock.  I haven't had much choice as my health issues have continued to mount.  I can tell you lots of the most fiber rich foods since apparently I have to care about that now.  I am learning which foods are histamine triggering since now that is a problem I have.  I have weaponized workouts to the point where I don't know if my mental health could handle missing one, but fitness? Yeah I am good.

And I protect my sleep like it is the last bastion standing between me and death (it might be).

I have had bad reactions to 3 different SSRIs so those aren't an option and I am not sure I am in a place where I want to risk playing roulette with some new med.

So options, they are limited.  She basically admitted she doesn't know how much she can help me which honestly feels legit.  Who can fix the horrors we are forced to witness by our government every day? Who can fix the fact that we live in a society that includes people who not only execute these horrors but support them and want more?

I told her the lack of winter here feels like salt in the wound.  I had so been looking forward to it, and I can't even have that.  

Of course all my friends on the east coast are struggling with the ice, or actual feet of snow, or crazy wind chills so I guess no one can get what they want.

One thing we discussed that I did like was how the only constant is change.  Not revolutionary as a concept, and not that the change is necessarily good.  But that change will happen regardless.  And that there is value in the small joys and appreciating whatever good is happening right now.  It might not be able to affect the big picture, but it is here and now and might never be like that again.  Someone should take that moment to stop and think, This is good.  I guess apocalyptic mindfullness strikes again.